POETRY

D3

you didn’t see me as I saw you
and I saw you but I didn’t know it was you
until you were walking away past from me
we’ve often been in the same space
without looking at the same time
as though we want to preserve the last interaction
as a kiss
as a hope to see each other again
instead of these awkward reminders of the miles between us
now and then and soon to be

I can’t sit at beaches without thinking of you
one lakeshore walk and now
every inch of sand is associated with you
funny how I’ve always loved the feel of sand
and how it feels best slipping through your fingers

our time never moved as linear as our bodies

often times I look at you and I know I’m saying goodbye
in some point in time lying in some plane below or above the seconds I’m in
which day is the one it’ll really be
I hope and pray it’s not today

I kinda hope and pray that it is

clean, cut, gutted painlessly
I will miss you someday,
I promise whenever that day is that I will miss you

the day we met
you held my hand, soft as the sky
and you asked me to go home with you
vaguely unromantic
but painfully what I needed to hear
to be asked
by someone
anyone
for so so long

and perhaps that’s the problem
I’ve always been me to me
but have you always been you
or just a projection of the things I wanted to see

crystal visions distorted of someone new to rise me up from everything that makes me restless

years and years we’ve stayed
not to stay i couldn’t stay more
I just know I can’t
won’t
stay forever

I do think it’s you, about you, always been you, had to be you, yearns to be you, wants to always be you
and that’s too magnanimous for me
I need to be the biggest thing in the room
take up the most space
and this is taking up too much of my own

I love you deeply and forever
but someday I will say goodbye
if you ever see me
if we ever see each other at the same time
and my heart is always broken for this moment
lover friend brother fiend

you didn’t see me as I saw you
and it would break my heart if you ever did

i hope you’re happy now you’re oceanside
but truth be told I must confide
I still ask myself from time to time
if I ever was on your mind

am I ever on your mind

 


AC

warm warm warm
every part of you is warm
has anyone else ever felt this warm before?
have i grown colder?
or do i easily forget what warmth feels like?
light and joy easily slipping out of my pores like my body is a poorly insulated basement
but you
you are warm
perhaps the warmest
i just have to imagine your skin to remember what warm feels like
and instantly my body grows from a basement to a coastline
my arms turn to soft and hot sand
gentle tides push against my eyes
i can hear waves
an odd moment of silence cooling over my brain like the ocean at sunset
i dont imagine you like a memory
an impossible to capture feeling
i imagine you like a moment
like a second
this very second
even when you're not here you're real
you're safe
and i can hear your heart beating inside my eardrum
and i can feel you curl around me the way a shell nestles an egg
(i’m never sure which one of us is more fragile)
i cannot stop laughs from escaping my breaths even imagining your smile
how can a person become an instagram filter
turning every dull photo, every important memory, every moment of sad, ordinary, sexy, confused — and make it sublime
i’m not sure i know what love feels like as an emotion
but i know it has the texture of a soft cotton t-shirt
the bristle of auburn stubble
the strength of four nimble fingers and a thumb wrapped tightly around something they don't want to lose
i’m not sure i know what love feels like
but i imagine its
warm warm warm


For Matt & Tommy

We are given no guarantees in life
Except finality
The rest is given to the hands of fate
The winds of our errs
And the loftiness of our dreams

Days change lifetimes
Hour, minutes, seconds of
Cells collapsing like stars
Hearts expanding like universes
Traveling at light speed unto the vast unknown

We are given no constants in life
Heaven promises us no consistencies
And yet
Two people can find each other
And can remain each others’ for eternity

I see you and you see me
And the moment I saw you first
Was a major change in my life
And yet it’s as if I knew you forever
Because I know I’ll know you forever more

The world might end
Our hearts might shatter
We might lose all time and space
All made from matter

But your eyes are forever better
The center of my road
Behind me, beyond me
My miraculous home